That's all the holiday washing completed, it's taken Carmen 3 days, the lazy cow.
Clutter From The Gutter
Sunday 14 April 2024
Monday 8 April 2024
Monday 18 March 2024
Benidorm Indoor Market
Saturday 27 January 2024
Thou Shall Not Be Common In Benidorm
There is some truth in the saying 'Red sky in the morning sailor's warning' or "shepherd's pie" if you're a div like my well-nourished maid of all work, Carmen, the above photograph was taken last Saturday, later that evening there was torrential rain and thunder storms. I haven't been sleeping too good, my fat arsed, over cushioned maid has been keeping me awake at night with her incessant snoring.
Brown toilet paper have you ever seen the likes?
(You can't tell it's brown from the photograph and you couldn't tell if it needed wiping again, just to be on the safe side and for peace of mind, I used the bidet.
She's all dressed up and ready to fall in love. |
The ideal footwear for showing him who's boss. |
A staff member at the hotel du bonbon, her friendly, fun appearance belied her true character, which was carping. |
Thursday 21 December 2023
Monday 4 December 2023
Saturday 25 November 2023
For Your Viewing Pleasure
Taken at the Castle Tea Room, York. |
Ere, you know lass singing this song?
Yer, it's good innit?
She's just released it's first ever video forrit 65 years after she recorded it.
Eee fancy! I thought she were dead.
Me too.
What wor it like, have you seen it?
Yer, it wor crap.
Friday 22 September 2023
Tuesday 22 August 2023
Tuesday 25 July 2023
Dahlia on the Piano
Sunday 9 July 2023
Jelly On A Plate...
You may be wondering why I'm showing you a picture of my grandad's old walking stick, I recently bought a skipping rope with a built in LCD display including a mode that counts how many jumps you've done, my goal was to perform 1000 jumps a day, a bit ambitious for someone who has never skipped before, Thursday evening I was on my 934th jump when I heard something that sounded like a bread knife piercing through a cabbage, I felt something give in my right calf and I was brought down to my knees (a bit like in Bears Bar but only quicker), the next day, Friday I became a cripple, my legs refused to work, I could stand and shuffle my feet but that's all, it reminded me of the time I took a short cut through a farmer's freshly ploughed field and became stuck in the mud, unable to move. I've been using the stick to get around the house, though never in public, thanks to some Ibuprofen gel, it has greatly improved and I'm able to walk unaided.
In my incapacitated state I was able to observe my maid of all work doing her household duties, she sprays Mr Sheen on her stockinged toes then goes around the house dusting the skirting boards using her foot (and she has the nerve to call me eccentric), she reminded me of Sue Kent from Gardener's World.
Tuesday 20 June 2023
Bridlington
Here comes a bikini whale Ahhhhhhhh! |
Wait for me boys! Nooo, don't run away! Distant view of Flamborough. |
Note to self, cancel Prime Thurs
Sunday 11 June 2023
Saturday 3 June 2023
Thursday 25 May 2023
Big Tim
Mitzi, my elusive butterfly! Greeted my friend 'Big Tim' in a busy cafe, our meeting wasn't planned, I only popped in for a cup of tea after visiting the dentist, and there he was, with his mother Grace, who is deaf as a post. I didn't know where to put myself, 'sit your fanny down here' he said patting the seat next to his. I met Tim in a pub when I was 18 (just over 10 years ago), standing 5ft 3 and quite slim I asked him why do they call you Big Tim? He pulled down his pants right there in the pub and showed me, 'Ooooh Big Tim' I cooed, it was like a baby's arm clutching a Cadbury's Creme Egg.
To be on the same wave length as Tim you need alcohol and lots of it, I don't drink during the day. He was looking tanned so I asked if he'd been on holiday 'If you check your emails once in a while darling, you would know... he gave a rare pause from talking and gave me a theatrical glare, slowly turning his head away from me with his nose in the air (affected thespian!) though I don't know why I bother because you never reply to them.' he further added. He calls me his elusive butterfly (soft sod and slightly creepy) because I don't use Facebook, I once made the mistake of joining Friends Reunited and was inundated with people I hadn't seen in years wanting to meet up for a coffee, that put me off social media for life, seeing people I went to school with, looking so much older than myself, depressing. It's a bit of a bitchfest too, don't you think? When you're in company and someone says 'Do you remember so-so? Well... tap tap tappity tap this is what they look like now' and then we cackle. I apologised to Tim I should have told him I don't use that email address anymore, I've been locked out of yypp_hotmail address for over 2 years, I still use it to fill in my details to leave comments on wordpress etc. I don't have all the security info it needs to recover it, not surprisingly really, past security questions:
Mother's maiden name? Honey-Saint Moritz. Who's going to guess that?
First pet's name? Princess Ann (without an e)
I have them written down in a book somewhere, can't find the book.
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